Ok, ever since Brady hurt his ankle, I keep hearing the line from the Karate Kid movie in my head: Sweep the Leg! Without football to watch this week, it really left time for my mind to wander. So without further ado, we bring you Super Bowl XLII, Karate Kid style.
QB Eli Manning: [after seeing Peyton Win the Super Bowl] Could you teach me?
QB Peyton Manning: First learn stand, then learn fly. Nature’s rule, Eli-san, not mine.
QB Eli Manning: Where'd you learn it from?
QB Peyton Manning: Father teach.
QB Eli Manning: You musta had some father, man.
QB Peyton Manning: Oh yes.
*****
Coach Coughlin: Now, ready?
QB Eli Manning: Yeah, I guess so.
Coach Coughlin: [sighs] Eli-san, must talk. [They both kneel] Walk on road, hm? Walk left side, safe. Walk right side, safe. Walk middle, sooner or later [makes squish gesture] get squish just like grape. Here, Football against Patriots, same thing. Either you football do "yes" or football do "no." You football do "guess so," [makes squish gesture] just like sacked Quarterback. Understand?
QB Eli Manning: Yeah, I understand.
Coach Coughlin: Now, ready?
QB Eli Manning: Yeah, I'm ready.
*****
DL Osi Umenyiora: Oh, great, that solves everything for me. I'll just go down to the Super Bowl and straighten it out with the Patriots, no problem.
Coach Coughlin: Now use head for something other than target.
DL Osi Umenyiora: Hey, I was just kidding about that.
Coach Coughlin: Why kidding?
DL Osi Umenyiora: Because I'd get killed if I go down there.
Coach Coughlin: Get killed anyway.
*****
Coach Belichick: Fear does not exist on this TEAM, does it?
Patriots Team: NO, Coach B!
Coach Belichick: Pain does not exist on this TEAM, does it? [Looking at QB Tom Brady's bad ankle]
QB Tom Brady: NO, Coach B!
Coach Belichick: Defeat does not exist on this TEAM, does it?
Patriots Team: NO, Coach B!
*****
Coach Belichick: We do not train to be merciful here. Mercy is for the weak. Here, on the football field, in competition: A man confronts you, he is the enemy. An enemy deserves no mercy.
Coach Belichick: [seeing that WR Randy Moss is distracted about his court case] “What is the problem Mr. Moss?”
*****
Coach Belichick: What do we study here?
Patriots Team: THE WAY OF THE BELICHICK SIR.
Coach Belichick: And what is that way? [looking at DE Richard Seymour]
DE Richard Seymour: STRIKE FIRST. STRIKE HARD. NO MERCY SIR.
Coach Belichick: I can't hear you. [looking at OL Matt Light]
OL Matt Light: STRIKE FIRST. STRIKE HARD. NO MERCY SIR.
*****
QB Eli Manning: All right, so what are the rules here?
Coach Coughlin: Don't know. First time Super Bowl you, first time Super Bowl me.
QB Eli Manning: Well, I figured you knew about this stuff. I figured you went to these before. Oh great, I'm dead. I am dead. You told me you coached a lot.
Coach Coughlin: Playoff Season yes, but not Super Bowls.
*****
Coach Coughlin: Sweep the leg [looking over at QB Tom Brady's bad ankle]
[DE Michael Strahan stares at him in shock]
Coach Coughlin: Do you have a problem with that?
DE Michael Strahan: No, Coach-sai. [Strahan smiles]
Coach Coughlin: No mercy.
*****
Sorry, that’s all for now…You will just have to watch Super Bowl XLII to find out the ending. *smile*
No comments:
Post a Comment